The 'Bai' Blog

This post is dedicated to the last few days I spent at home...


What is common to Kanchan, Sushila, Vimla, Ranjan, Geeta, Kapila, Urmila & Somi. They are some of the names in the 'list of honor' of all 'bais' who have worked in my house. Although I am sure that my house would have witness some more occupants of the 'house bai' position, these names were all I could recall.

The reason why I am dedicating a whole post to this female free lance housekeeping entrepreneurial venture is because I very recently realized that for us 'Bai' is much more than just a house maid. This 'bai' word has had a very tremendous impact on me since childhood. When years ago when we shifted to Gujarat from Kota, the first lesson that I was taught at home was to call the 'bai' at home 'masi' as they didn't like being called 'bai' ( I still think it is a cool name). As I grew up, the first time when I visited the staff room of my school, the first lady teacher gossip I overheard was 'Aaj humari bai nahin aayee'.

Be it the mightiest of the mothers, the news that the 'bai' won't come sends shivers everywhere in a universe that doesn't get bothered even if Lehman collapses. In my house, I am not even allowed to joke about the 'bai' not getting to work. So what's the big deal about the house maid not turning up to work? I think the first reason why 'bais' get so much importance in India has to do something with our topology. We are a very dusty country and hence our homes and our clothes need more regular cleaning. So we can't survive without everyday or every alternate day cleaning. So that day the 'bai' doesn't come to work, the lady knows she would have to get her own hands dirtied. Moreover in the present times 'bais' are the strongest weapon of the working women. Hence the USP of the Indian 'Bai' Community is not the work she does when she is present but the mess she creates when she isn't.

But that's not all. 'Bais' are the colony's hottest gossip channel and I am sure there must be a cut throat competition among women to acquire the 'bai' that gives the colony's hottest news. After all who wouldn't want to know what's happening in Mrs. Sharma's house. They are also the main driving force behind the TRP success of Ekkta Kapoor serials for hadn't it been for them, our mothers would never have had so much free afternoon time. They ruthlessly waste your washing soap, cleaning detergent, liquid dishwash and floor cleaner thereby giving a boost to FMCG product industry. If this claim appears unconvincing to you just think that even if a 'bai' wastes 15% of these commodities this would automatically lead to 15% increase in product consumption in millions of Indian homes and hence a 15% rise in sales which is something you get in a 'great' year in sales. Moreover, its not just the economic impact, these 'bais' have a significant socio-cultural impact on our society too. "Aaj humari bai nahin ayee' must be rated as the no.1 conversation starter of this country which our house wives have used over tea, office gossips and over the house boundary wall talks.

Now let's have a simple estimate of the 'bai' market size in India. We have a 400 million middle and upper middle class population who must be employing 'bais' (assuming the rich upper class goes for servants). Now taking 5 people per house hold leaves us with 80 million household requiring 'bais'. Now if on an average each house hold spends Rs 500 ($10) a month on bai then this adds up to $ 800 million a month or to say around $ 10 billion per annum business currently suffering from massive attrition, absenteesm & mismanagement. I don't know why corporate and conglomerates who are ready to sell us 'sabzis' have not thought about giving us a better managed 'bai'.

Moreover if the bai service gets centralized then this can become an effective tool for word-of-mouth campaigns, especially for consumer goods. There is anyway so much communication between the bai and the housewives everyday. Why not get leverage out of it and use the communication for product marketing. Think of the mind boggling consumer network these 'bai' campaign can generate leading to mammoth marketing avenues. In the past Microsoft tried something similar with Mumbai Dabbawallas for its asli pc campaign.

Finally, on a positive note, house cleaning is a great workout. You need not worry about heart problems and obesity with a mop and a broom in hand. But then why scare away the luxury. Let's spend 500 a month on bai, 1000 a month in gym and some thousands more on washing machine, vaccuum cleaners and dishwashers to be prepared for the day she doesn't come.

Endless

It seemed like a normal journey from Mumbai to my hometown. Like every time the train left Mumbai Central at 7 in the evening and like every time the first stop was going to be Borivali. When life becomes so monotonous, you rarely like experimenting and hence like every time I was sitting at the corner seat and was engroseed in some book to cut time, rarely expecting any thing interesting to occur in the journey. But then the unexpected happened.

Now everyone has a definition for unexpected. In this case the matter was so trivial that I could have easily overlooked it and continued with my book. But something made me look at him again. This guy was sitting on the corner berth with his eyes closed and head rested. Everything appeared normal with this guy, 2 eyes, 2 ears, one nose and I can go on and on but I think I made my point. However the reason the subject made me turn from my PG Wodehouse masterpiece was that his face appeared amazingly familiar.

How often does it happen that you see a face that appears familiar and yet you cannot recall where you have seen that person? For me it is the most exhilarating situation where there is a face right in front of me, crushing me every time I look at it because every time I do that, the more sure I become that I have seen this face somewhere, but where, that is the quest left to be answered.

Now this guy had nothing worth remembering. He was middle aged, dull complexioned and had a slim built. He was semi-formally dressed although his attire showed that he belonged to lower middle class and the tiffin in his hand showed that he must be returning from work at this time of the day. And like any other guy returning from a hard day's work, he had preferred to doze off on his train seat to momentarily ward away daily troubles of house bills, kid's education, office progress and many others that haunt a middle class guy. But little did he know that his very face was giving me a hard time and the 'curiosity' of knowing why the face appeared so familiar was killing me.

Although I might have called it 'curiosity' but then on a second thought this appears a pretty inappropriate terminology to use. It is a different thing to as oneself, 'Where did the universe start', 'Where is Angola situated' or 'where are the safest kissing points in IIT Delhi' because these questions come under curiosity and such questions have fixed methodology for knowing the solution.Moreover you know that by the end of the day, even if you fail to find one, then there will always be somebody who would be knowing the answers. But unfortunately googling 'where have I seen this face before' doesn't help much and that is a question you yourself have to answer. Hence there I was sitting on a train window seat, staring at an unknown guy whose face seemed weirdly familiar.

'Weirdly' because I knew that this guy surely doesn't know me. I have not talked to him, nor have I met him. Also he is the very same person and not a look alike I am searching for. If my intuition is right, then his face must have passed me in a flash, like in a market, college or office. But then why out of thousand faces would I remember him. And why would I meet such a person in a city that I rarely visit. Maybe I have seen him today somewhere in the afternoon, maybe in newspapers, in the wanted section, or he might be a terrorist......wait a second, this thought process is proceeding in a gravely unstructured manner, and the one thing that I had learnt from the billion scolding, comments and suggestions that I received from my 'super awesome' mugga party during job prep was to solve problems in a structured manner. So let's see, this guy is definitely a mumbaikar, hence I must have seen him in Mumbai. Now in Mumbai I was either at home, or in my uncle's office or in Santacruz to visit a friend. Now this guy was definitely not from my house or office and as for the brief Santacruz visit, I don't think at that time I would have been in the mood to observe any random guy's face. So that leaves news articles, magazine pics, endless shopkeepers I must have visited, wanted section photos and people I see during my morning walk.

Yeah.... It sucks. Back to unstructured thoughts.
And then I went back to my random brainstorming on this intoxicating wretched familiar face with a background voice hammering my brain...
where...
where....
where...

But just then the train halted at Borivali and he opened his eyes. And with each passing moment as I became more sure that it was no déjà vu and I had seen this very man somewhere, he searched for his tiffin, found it under his seat and got up to get down. And at that moment I got a look at his seat number and then a wide smile spread on my face....
.... How stupid of me!!


PS: Read the title.